I've been home for just over a month now. The culture shock has finally worn off, but the nostalgia still remains.
I'm completely homesick for all of Granada. For all of Europe. For all of my friends.
S and R are in the same country as me right now, but it still feels like they're miles away.
The real world is hard to keep up with on its own, but when you factor in trying to keep in touch with people on different sides of the country... it's hard. It's really hard.
It's been really cloudy here lately, and yesterday afternoon the clouds set just right and I swear it looked just like the Sierra Nevada in Granada. I didn't realize how much I'd taken that view for granted until the other day.
My Alhambra view has been replaced by the Sun Trust skyscraper. My Spanish thoughts have been replaced by Spanish jumble and the occasional movie in Spanish. My eating schedule which was once well balanced and suited to my digestion is now scattered all over the place. I'm eating much too early and staying up way too late.
I'm walking and eating and it feels weird. I can no longer wear sweat pants in public, or flip flops for that matter, as they have become officially my shower shoes. I care about presentation now. I take pride in the way that I look.
I quit writing in Spanish because I don't have the need, though I'd love to start back up.
I miss the cobble stone streets. I miss the sting that you get in your feet after walking on it for too long. The ground here is too even. My monthly club trips have been replaced by monthly crew events. My classy Mojito nights have been replaced by beer pong. My fun nights with Spaniards has been replaced by movies dubbed over in Spanish and a glass of red wine.
Oh, nostalgia. You bitch.
I miss Granada. I miss speaking Spanish every day. I miss the cobble stone. I miss the Alhambra. I miss Maite. I miss R and S. I miss life there, and how easy it was. I miss the threat of the looming crisis reminding me of how lucky I am to be where I'm at today. I miss the people in Spain, how nice they were and how understanding they could be. I miss walking everywhere. I miss not having to worry about how much gas prices rose.
Why is it that in Europe, walking is a lifestyle thing, but here in America, it's a sign of poverty? When did that become a thing?
...
I miss Spain. So much.
</3
Buenos Días.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Home sweet home.
I got home a few days ago after 30+ hours of travel time. Busses, airplanes, trains and cars and what not. 'Twas a day of adventure wasn't it?
So I got home on the 21st at around 8pm, or 2am Spain time... which was hard to get used to. It's still hard to get used to now actually, seeing as how I keep waking up at 5am for no reason. Granted, I'm getting my full 8 hours of sleep becuase I can't stay up past 9pm right now, but hey, I'm getting there.
This last week has been a crazy one for me, well the last five days. After traveling across an ocean, a culture and a time zone I went out for last minute christmas shopping with my madre, and that was a shock in it's own. I hadn't been to a mall in about five months, and it was almost too much to deal with without the comfort of Spanish everywhere.
It's been weird sleeping in a heated bed, taking a full length shower, and having heat. It's been weird having snack food, having unlimited TV access, and living normal life. It's been weird not having people try to talk to me in Spanish walking down the street... It's been weird not being able to walk right outside to find a store. It's been weird not seeing the Alhambra every day, or seeing the Sierra Nevada, or seeing everything from Granada....
I'm having a bit of a culture shock, and a bit of a growing up experience right now. I'm going through moments of really wanting to cry, then going back to moments of really enjoying myself. It's a weird mix of emotions that are too fuerte for me to really grasp.
I love being home, don't get me wrong. I really want to be here with my family, but I think that I just got so used to being without them, and being on my own, and dealing with things in another language and dealing with everything solo con mi propio mismo that it's just... weird now.
I'm happy to be home, but I really miss being away.
I'll go back one day. I have to.
But for now, it's time to say hello to the Real World.
<3
Buenos Días.
So I got home on the 21st at around 8pm, or 2am Spain time... which was hard to get used to. It's still hard to get used to now actually, seeing as how I keep waking up at 5am for no reason. Granted, I'm getting my full 8 hours of sleep becuase I can't stay up past 9pm right now, but hey, I'm getting there.
This last week has been a crazy one for me, well the last five days. After traveling across an ocean, a culture and a time zone I went out for last minute christmas shopping with my madre, and that was a shock in it's own. I hadn't been to a mall in about five months, and it was almost too much to deal with without the comfort of Spanish everywhere.
It's been weird sleeping in a heated bed, taking a full length shower, and having heat. It's been weird having snack food, having unlimited TV access, and living normal life. It's been weird not having people try to talk to me in Spanish walking down the street... It's been weird not being able to walk right outside to find a store. It's been weird not seeing the Alhambra every day, or seeing the Sierra Nevada, or seeing everything from Granada....
I'm having a bit of a culture shock, and a bit of a growing up experience right now. I'm going through moments of really wanting to cry, then going back to moments of really enjoying myself. It's a weird mix of emotions that are too fuerte for me to really grasp.
I love being home, don't get me wrong. I really want to be here with my family, but I think that I just got so used to being without them, and being on my own, and dealing with things in another language and dealing with everything solo con mi propio mismo that it's just... weird now.
I'm happy to be home, but I really miss being away.
I'll go back one day. I have to.
But for now, it's time to say hello to the Real World.
<3
Buenos Días.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
One is the loneliest Number.
S and R just left... and I'm balling my eyes out. Why is that a real thing?
It didn't hit me that they'd actually be leaving I guess. I mean, I knew that they'd be going, but... now I'm here, alone.
Sure K and A are still here, but that's different. I'm friends with them, sure, but S and R... I mean, c'mon. We're like BFF's who didn't know the other existed until now. We're literally three peas in a pod... We just fit together perfectly. We all balance each other out.
I don't have friends in the states like either of them. They're completely unique. I have a lot of friends in the US who are all generally speaking the same personality, these girls, totally different. But I love them with a good chunk of my heart. Seriously.
And now I'm sitting here, realizing that our last conversation was a total waste of oxygen. We should have talked about how great our upcoming years were going to be. We should have talked about how great our trips were together. How great it was to meet each other... and instead we just shot the shit like we normally do.
And I guess that's all you can really ask for from friends. To just keep going on as normal. To try to act like you don't know when you're going to see each other... but that's hard. It's really hard.
I don't know when I'm going to see S. I really don't.
R and I have made plans for Spring Break, loose ones, but plans none the less.
The last thing in the world that I want to do is lose contact with these girls. They've changed my life in more than one way. Seriously. (If ya'll are reading this, seriously. I love ya'll.)
I guess this whole experience will prove how grown up we are combined with how well we manage time, combined with how badly we still want to stay in contact.
I'll be the first to say, if needed, that I'd REALLY like to stay in contact with the both of them. Insanely. Now I'm sitting here being obnoxiously gushy about my friends, and I know they're going to read this, or skim it at least... but it's real. They're two of the greatest people that I've met. It really made this whole experience worth while.
One is the loneliest number vs. three is a crowd.
But we're a party. :)
<3
Buenas Noches
It didn't hit me that they'd actually be leaving I guess. I mean, I knew that they'd be going, but... now I'm here, alone.
Sure K and A are still here, but that's different. I'm friends with them, sure, but S and R... I mean, c'mon. We're like BFF's who didn't know the other existed until now. We're literally three peas in a pod... We just fit together perfectly. We all balance each other out.
I don't have friends in the states like either of them. They're completely unique. I have a lot of friends in the US who are all generally speaking the same personality, these girls, totally different. But I love them with a good chunk of my heart. Seriously.
And now I'm sitting here, realizing that our last conversation was a total waste of oxygen. We should have talked about how great our upcoming years were going to be. We should have talked about how great our trips were together. How great it was to meet each other... and instead we just shot the shit like we normally do.
And I guess that's all you can really ask for from friends. To just keep going on as normal. To try to act like you don't know when you're going to see each other... but that's hard. It's really hard.
I don't know when I'm going to see S. I really don't.
R and I have made plans for Spring Break, loose ones, but plans none the less.
The last thing in the world that I want to do is lose contact with these girls. They've changed my life in more than one way. Seriously. (If ya'll are reading this, seriously. I love ya'll.)
I guess this whole experience will prove how grown up we are combined with how well we manage time, combined with how badly we still want to stay in contact.
I'll be the first to say, if needed, that I'd REALLY like to stay in contact with the both of them. Insanely. Now I'm sitting here being obnoxiously gushy about my friends, and I know they're going to read this, or skim it at least... but it's real. They're two of the greatest people that I've met. It really made this whole experience worth while.
One is the loneliest number vs. three is a crowd.
But we're a party. :)
<3
Buenas Noches
Que temazo.
Last night was my last night out with the besties. R and S.
We started at around 8:30ish and ventured off on our Tapa's excursion.
Our first place was a really nice tapas restaurant with hot wine, Vino Caldo, Vino caliente, Vin Chaud, whatever you want to call it. It's delicious really.
We sat there for a while, ate some great tapas and started getting tipsy.
Our next place had fried barenjenas (eggplants) covered in honey, sounds weird? Well they taste like french toast, not like my dad's but still pretty good. I got some humus because it's great here.
The next place we went to we all got Cañas (tiny beers on tap) and got some really great tapas there, shrimp and falafel.
The next place was bella y la bestia (beauty and the beast) and they have the greatest tapas ever. So after our fourth beer we ate the yummy tapas then headed out to el Labrador
At el Labrador we got the drink called Labrador... which is a strong wine/liquor drink. Fantastic and strong. I got my last plate of Jamon. :)
After that we went to the Chupieria (shot bar) got kind of wasted... if we weren't already, and then went to "Living."
Living is this super american looking bar, but it's still pretty great. We got another beer there, sat for a minute then headed out for a real bar bar.
No tapas at the last two places... lots of alcohol.
The next place we stopped in was called "Wall Street" which I didn't think they had in Granada... but hey, they did.
So we got drinks when the market crashed, and S wanted to play fooseball. So we did. Terribly.
Eventually some Spaniards came to join, and we got our asses kicked, but then they pulled mercy and paired up with us. So we made some friends.
Then R invited us over to their house to hang out. So five spanish guys, three girls.... Weird kind of but whatever. C'est la Vie.
Anyway, so we were hanging out with them, until 4:45.... So yeah, all of that happened from 8:30pm to 5:00am ish.
They were weird so we left after learning some coloquial things and sharing music. It was great. One of the guys was like "eres mi hermana." (friend zoned, whatever.)
:)
Had fun. I'm gonna miss these amigas.
<3
Buenas Tardes.
We started at around 8:30ish and ventured off on our Tapa's excursion.
Our first place was a really nice tapas restaurant with hot wine, Vino Caldo, Vino caliente, Vin Chaud, whatever you want to call it. It's delicious really.
We sat there for a while, ate some great tapas and started getting tipsy.
Our next place had fried barenjenas (eggplants) covered in honey, sounds weird? Well they taste like french toast, not like my dad's but still pretty good. I got some humus because it's great here.
The next place we went to we all got Cañas (tiny beers on tap) and got some really great tapas there, shrimp and falafel.
The next place was bella y la bestia (beauty and the beast) and they have the greatest tapas ever. So after our fourth beer we ate the yummy tapas then headed out to el Labrador
At el Labrador we got the drink called Labrador... which is a strong wine/liquor drink. Fantastic and strong. I got my last plate of Jamon. :)
After that we went to the Chupieria (shot bar) got kind of wasted... if we weren't already, and then went to "Living."
Living is this super american looking bar, but it's still pretty great. We got another beer there, sat for a minute then headed out for a real bar bar.
No tapas at the last two places... lots of alcohol.
The next place we stopped in was called "Wall Street" which I didn't think they had in Granada... but hey, they did.
So we got drinks when the market crashed, and S wanted to play fooseball. So we did. Terribly.
Eventually some Spaniards came to join, and we got our asses kicked, but then they pulled mercy and paired up with us. So we made some friends.
Then R invited us over to their house to hang out. So five spanish guys, three girls.... Weird kind of but whatever. C'est la Vie.
Anyway, so we were hanging out with them, until 4:45.... So yeah, all of that happened from 8:30pm to 5:00am ish.
They were weird so we left after learning some coloquial things and sharing music. It was great. One of the guys was like "eres mi hermana." (friend zoned, whatever.)
:)
Had fun. I'm gonna miss these amigas.
<3
Buenas Tardes.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Real Talk.
I'm leaving Neverland for the real world on Friday night.
I'll have to be a grown up starting on Saturday night.
The magic is going to ware off, and I'm not going to be able to get it back.
Once you leave, there's no going back.
I'm scared shitless. Let's be real.
Life has been easy here. Granted, there have been a few minute struggles over dinero the last couple of weeks, but that's nothing compared to the real world that I'm going to be in in a few short days. Three days. Three. Days. I'll be in the real world. The land of nine to fivers. The land of grown ups. The land of responsibility.
I'm not going to be in this crazy world of "mañana". I'm not going to be in this relaxed world of "cuando puedes." I'm not going to be in Neverland anymore.
Like Peter said, once you leave, you can never come back.
I'm scared.
I know, in the long run that I'll be fine, but I don't want to leave this magical place that I've taken for granted of. I've called this place my home for seven months, and I already miss it. I haven't even left yet and I miss it. I haven't even checked in for my flight and I know that I'm going to be homesick.
I'm so afraid to leave.
I'm not sleeping right. I'm not as hungry anymore. I'm having mild panic attacks. I'm freaking out over here!
I'm not ready to return to the real world of responsibility and accountability. I'm not ready to real exams and classes with a constricting structure. I'm not ready for the responsibly to making sure that my gas tank is full or making sure that I'm early for things instead of right on time.
Jesus. I'm really not ready to go back yet am I?
Dear friends and family, can you just come here instead?
I'm freaking out just writing this.
I'm an emotional wreck because I know that I'm going to be leaving my fairy tale. I'm leaving my kingdom, my safe haven, the place that I've come to in order to escape everything that my home town had to offer me (aside from my great friends and family, but that goes without saying.)
UGH!
here it goes again:
I'm not mature enough for this.
Can I just stay here instead? This classical music really isn't even helping.
Help. I don't want to leave Neverland.
<3
Buenas (Malas) Noches.
I'll have to be a grown up starting on Saturday night.
The magic is going to ware off, and I'm not going to be able to get it back.
Once you leave, there's no going back.
I'm scared shitless. Let's be real.
Life has been easy here. Granted, there have been a few minute struggles over dinero the last couple of weeks, but that's nothing compared to the real world that I'm going to be in in a few short days. Three days. Three. Days. I'll be in the real world. The land of nine to fivers. The land of grown ups. The land of responsibility.
I'm not going to be in this crazy world of "mañana". I'm not going to be in this relaxed world of "cuando puedes." I'm not going to be in Neverland anymore.
Like Peter said, once you leave, you can never come back.
I'm scared.
I know, in the long run that I'll be fine, but I don't want to leave this magical place that I've taken for granted of. I've called this place my home for seven months, and I already miss it. I haven't even left yet and I miss it. I haven't even checked in for my flight and I know that I'm going to be homesick.
I'm so afraid to leave.
I'm not sleeping right. I'm not as hungry anymore. I'm having mild panic attacks. I'm freaking out over here!
I'm not ready to return to the real world of responsibility and accountability. I'm not ready to real exams and classes with a constricting structure. I'm not ready for the responsibly to making sure that my gas tank is full or making sure that I'm early for things instead of right on time.
Jesus. I'm really not ready to go back yet am I?
Dear friends and family, can you just come here instead?
I'm freaking out just writing this.
I'm an emotional wreck because I know that I'm going to be leaving my fairy tale. I'm leaving my kingdom, my safe haven, the place that I've come to in order to escape everything that my home town had to offer me (aside from my great friends and family, but that goes without saying.)
UGH!
here it goes again:
I'm not mature enough for this.
Can I just stay here instead? This classical music really isn't even helping.
Help. I don't want to leave Neverland.
<3
Buenas (Malas) Noches.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Five Golden Rings
Well, I'm heading home in five days. I'm leaving my apartment in four. I'm leaving Granada in Five Days.
I'm leaving Spain, in Five days.
Oy.
I don't know if I'm ready to go anymore. Now that I'm actually leaving.
This place has been my legit home for seven months. I for the break that I had at home, I wasn't really home... and I'm sure people noticed. I mean, sure I played along with everything, I did things with friends... but I always felt weird going out places and not speaking Spanish, and that was just after three months abroad... I've been here since August.
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿quieres bolsa?" at the end of every grocery check out line?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿dinero o plástico?" at every retail store?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¡Oye guapa!" at the clubs?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿Sigo?" in class?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "Linea! por favor! Sigue en linea!" in schools?
How weird is it going to be to not have siestas?
How weird is it going to be to not have pausas?
How weird is it going to be to not have a three hour lunch?
How weird is it going to be to not have colorful money?
How weird is it going to be to not have one and two euro coins?!
How weird is it going to be to have space again?
How weird is it going to be to not be able to walk places anymore?
How weird is it going to be to watch Jersey Shore in English?!
How weird is it going to be to be able to just speak in my native tongue?
... Jeeze.
It's going to be strange getting home. That's for sure.
Classical and Jazz music are getting me through the hard times.
My suitcases are all packed, and I have room to spare. :)
(See mom, I didn't buy too many coffee mugs, granted there are three in my rolling back and four in my backpack, but whatever.)
:)
I can't wait to get home... but it's going to be weird.
Five days.
<3
Buenas Noches.
I'm leaving Spain, in Five days.
Oy.
I don't know if I'm ready to go anymore. Now that I'm actually leaving.
This place has been my legit home for seven months. I for the break that I had at home, I wasn't really home... and I'm sure people noticed. I mean, sure I played along with everything, I did things with friends... but I always felt weird going out places and not speaking Spanish, and that was just after three months abroad... I've been here since August.
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿quieres bolsa?" at the end of every grocery check out line?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿dinero o plástico?" at every retail store?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¡Oye guapa!" at the clubs?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "¿Sigo?" in class?
How weird is it going to be to not hear "Linea! por favor! Sigue en linea!" in schools?
How weird is it going to be to not have siestas?
How weird is it going to be to not have pausas?
How weird is it going to be to not have a three hour lunch?
How weird is it going to be to not have colorful money?
How weird is it going to be to not have one and two euro coins?!
How weird is it going to be to have space again?
How weird is it going to be to not be able to walk places anymore?
How weird is it going to be to watch Jersey Shore in English?!
How weird is it going to be to be able to just speak in my native tongue?
... Jeeze.
It's going to be strange getting home. That's for sure.
Classical and Jazz music are getting me through the hard times.
My suitcases are all packed, and I have room to spare. :)
(See mom, I didn't buy too many coffee mugs, granted there are three in my rolling back and four in my backpack, but whatever.)
:)
I can't wait to get home... but it's going to be weird.
Five days.
<3
Buenas Noches.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Last Weak Feelings
Did ya see what i did there?
I'm starting to have more mixed emotions about going home. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually really ready to get back to my home town, back to friends, back to the norm. I need that solidarity, that sense of normalcy. I still feel like Spain living is some sort of fairy tale that I got to live in for too long. My brain is rewiring right now and it's starting to get fuzzy up there.
I know very well that everyone speaks English in the states, but I still think to myself about how I'm going to ask professors about upcoming essays and which form of a verb I need to use... as if English isn't my first language. I'm still in the Spanish mindset. I'm in for a super rude wake up call when I enter the real world again.
I wish that I could bring this life to the US. Seriously. Friends included.
I seriously don't know what I'm going to do without my daily R and S fix, for real. Or the need to communicate in Spanish on the regular... I need to make some friends who speak Spanish. Seriously
God, I can't wait to get home... but I'm not ready to leave.
Ask me tomorrow, it'll probably be flipped.
<3
Buenas Noches
I'm starting to have more mixed emotions about going home. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually really ready to get back to my home town, back to friends, back to the norm. I need that solidarity, that sense of normalcy. I still feel like Spain living is some sort of fairy tale that I got to live in for too long. My brain is rewiring right now and it's starting to get fuzzy up there.
I know very well that everyone speaks English in the states, but I still think to myself about how I'm going to ask professors about upcoming essays and which form of a verb I need to use... as if English isn't my first language. I'm still in the Spanish mindset. I'm in for a super rude wake up call when I enter the real world again.
I wish that I could bring this life to the US. Seriously. Friends included.
I seriously don't know what I'm going to do without my daily R and S fix, for real. Or the need to communicate in Spanish on the regular... I need to make some friends who speak Spanish. Seriously
God, I can't wait to get home... but I'm not ready to leave.
Ask me tomorrow, it'll probably be flipped.
<3
Buenas Noches
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