getting real before 11am.

People -locals in Spain, friends at home, everyone- keep asking me if I've found a Spanish boyfriend yet, and my answer is always the same. "No."
I'm not really looking for a Spanish boyfriend though. That's not why I came to Spain. Granted, had the opportunity arose to live out a Lizzie McGuire fantasy I probably wouldn't have turned it down. But honestly, I'm in no position to go looking for a boy right now. I'm focusing on my future.
I want so many things out of life, and even looking at my top ten things, a future husband is not on that list. In all honesty, it's probably closer to the bottom of any theoretical list that I can think up.
I know some people will look at me and say 'it's just a phase', but who says that I ever have to get married? Who says that I have to have another person in my life to make it worth living? Who says that I have to trust someone enough to say that "hey, if this doesn't work out, I'm willing to give you half of my shit." No, that's not me. I'm selfish, and I want to do things on my own.
I want the toilet seat to always be down. I want the kitchen cleaned the way that I like the kitchen cleaned. I want to be able to be a slob for the rest of my life if I so choose.

I don't see what the big deal is about finding someone to 'spend the rest of your life with'. It's great to find someone at a club to make out with, that answers your physical needs, but everyone keeps talking about emotional needs, like "don't you need someone to make yourself feel wanted?" .... shouldn't I be able to create that feeling on me own?
As if I really have to be good enough for someone else? PLEASE! Let's be real.

I'm still having serious self-esteem issues, but I'm only twenty, that's bout to be a factor. But if I spend my life looking for someone else to 'make me feel wanted', then I'm never going to be able to create that feeling for myself. I'll always NEED someone to make me feel significant. That's not the life that I want to live.

I want to live in a small apartment, in Spain, Atlanta, wherever, and I want to have a few cats that like to cuddle and play, and I want to be happy, I want to know that when I come home after a long day of "fill-in-the-blank" that I don't have to worry about anyone's baggage but my own. I want to come home, be able to watch my TV show, eat my nutella, and not have someone bothering me while I do it.


So no, to everyone wondering if I've 'found a Spanish boyfriend', I haven't found one, nor am I looking. I'm working on my future, and a guy isn't going to help me get there, I can guarantee you that.

Let me live my life, stop asking me if I've found love. If it hasn't happened the last 20 years at home, what's a change in geography really going to do? 




<3

Buenos Dias.